I apologize for being behind on posts. Getting back to school and work has kept us so busy and computer time is slim to none. By the time I get a chance to get online, it's late and I'm exhausted! I do have a few new pictures that I'll try to put on the blog this weekend. I don't have them loaded onto the computer yet....so check back on Monday! Thanks for being patient and for continuing to follow Alayna's journey.
I do want to show you the new swing I just ordered for Alayna. As I've posted in the past, she LOVES to swing. I know she misses it. She still sits in her baby swing, if you can believe that (she's 2 1/2 years old)! But she is too big and it doesn't move anymore! She uses her feet and tries to "pump" herself and push her toes off of the floor just to get herself to go. It's cute! Well, she won't have to do that anymore. This new swing is called the Biggie Adapted Swing by Abilitations. That is a division of School Specialty which we order school supplies from. I found that interesting! Anyway, it is to be able to support 2-10 year olds and has lots of neat features. Here is a picture. Now we just have to wait for it to arrive. And yes, it is for indoors so she can use it all of the time. I am so excited. It's an early Christmas gift!
Now, I'm switching topics. Our support group has had quite a few "new" members in the recent months. Finding out that your child has a disability is one of the most difficult things to deal with. One of the mom's posted this grief model. I found it so fascinating that I wanted to share it with you. As it is written in terms of losing a loved one, those of us who have learned we have a disabled child has lost the dream of the "typical child" and the "what if." So, I think the language is adaptable to our situations. In the beginning I did feel robbed. But I don't feel that way now. In 4 months, Alayna will be 3 years old. I still am going through some of these stages. As I read them, I realize that I bounce around from one to the other depending upon the given day. Some days I'm angry and mad and yet others I show acceptance and I have hope. I wonder if I'll ever complete the model?
"The 7 Stages of Grief"...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the pain of loss on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair.
4. "DEPRESSION" , REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things that could have been, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life and kind a daily routine that works, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life's situation. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this. But you will find a way forward.
